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I Don’t Want to “Stay Mad”
By Salomé Gómez-Upegui
I want people to like me. There, I said it. I want people to like me and it’s a very annoying flaw that involves a lot of shifting. Caring about being liked means I often do things I don’t want to. I let inappropriate comments slide and make up long-ass stories in my mind regarding what everyone —ranging from my parents to the leaders in my field — must think about my thoughts, choices, and attitudes. I regularly fall into the Instagram vortex, looking for memes and well-designed quotes that say things like “be true to yourself”, “what other people think about you is none of your business” or “do you” –and frankly, I imagine a universe where they’re written with a “Dear Salomé” at the beginning. I do my best to remember these phrases daily.
Of course, as a woman, there is the ever-present belief that to be liked I need to smile more. A far from easy feat since what is socially recognized as a resting bitch face is actually my normal face. It’s my normal face, as it is for many women because I feel safest when I look focused and in control. Unsurprisingly, a focused and in control woman is synonymous to a bitch. Yet, I learned very early on in life that this is the face that would keep away sleazy catcallers, creepy co-workers, and random douchebags at bars. It’s my normal face, my safe-space face, and the face that makes a lot of people think, upon…
